Family Home Vs. Nursing Home

My home where Mom and I lived the last 5 years of her life.

There may come a time when a very difficult decision about an elderly loved one arises – where will he or she live when they can no longer live alone – a family home or a nursing home?

I was lucky enough to be able to keep my 95 year old Mother home with me through my 5 years of being her primary caregiver. Just how lucky we were does not escape me. Not everyone is physically or mentally  able to move their elders to a family home, but, if you can, I definitely suggest this path. Your elderly loved one will probably be much happier in a family home than in a nursing home.

In this short article, I’ll give you a few good reasons to welcome your elderly loved one into a family home instead of placing them in an institutional home, such as a nursing home or retirement home.

Transitioning an elderly loved one from their own home to a family home will probably be easier than going into a nursing home. 

You’ll most likely get a lot of opposition when the discussion moves to where Grandma or Grandpa will be living once they cannot be on their own. Most senior citizens strongly resist moving to a nursing home but may react better when asked to move in with a daughter, son, or grandchild. After all, Grandma or Grandpa have been on their own most of their lives and now they’re being asked (or forced) to leave everything they know to go to a new place with no family or friends if moved to a nursing home.

Before moving your loved one into your family home though, there should be a discussion with all members of your family about expectations – your world is about to shift off-center initially as you integrate your elderly loved one into your family’s routine. If you can include your senior citizen friend into the talks and their input, you’re ahead of the game.

Try to get buy in from each member of the family as to what additional tasks they are willing to help with at first. Make them understand that your attention might initially be focused on settling in your elderly loved one to the new home environment so you’ll need assistance with daily chores.

To aid in the transition of moving an elderly loved one into a family home, you might choose to bring those items that mean the most to your senior citizen friend. That might mean bringing in the corner curio cabinet filled with treasures of their travels. If it makes the transition easier, bring it. You might also try to set up their new bedroom in exactly the same furniture and picture arrangement as was in their old room.

And, finally, you should take every opportunity to educate yourself about how to best care for an elderly loved one. I was so clueless about being a caregiver when Mom first moved in, that I had to figure everything out myself. That’s why I wrote my e-book Senior Citizen Caregiving 101 – Things I wish I’d know (the first link below).

 My Own E-book – Senior Citizen Caregiving 101: Things I Wish I’d KnownCheck Price Moving Elderly Parents: A Comprehensive Guide to Honoring Your Mother and Father While Helping Them Move [Article]Check Price Moving Mama: Taking Care of Mother During Her Final Years With Alzheimer’sCheck Price When Your Parent Moves In: Every Adult Child’s Guide to Living with an Aging ParentCheck Price

If your elderly loved one has a pet, hopefully, in a home setting, the pet will be welcomed.

There are very few nursing homes that will allow the elderly to bring along a pet they may have had for years. Taking their beloved dog or cat away is just one more heartache a senior citizen must suffer when moving into a nursing home environment. For those of us who love animals so much, even the thought of having to give up a cherished pet makes our stomachs turn.

Whenever possible, the elderly should be allowed to bring along their companion animal to their new home, but, be prepared for an adjustment for both your senior citizen friend and their pet. A new dog coming into the house might not 1) be house broken or 2) understand how to signal to go out. A new cat needs to be shown the cat box and be given their own spot. In some cases, a family member might want to enroll the pet (if it’s a dog) into obedience lessons to acclimate it to society as senior citizen dog’s are frequently only used to their own person.

It’s also a good idea to check with the pet’s vet to ensure all vaccinations are up to date and the pet is healthy.

If, however, a pet cannot come into the family home, (ie, there are allergies in the family or some very real reason that the senior citizen’s best friend cannot be given refuge also) try to find the pet a home with a trusted friend who will bring the animal for periodic visits with its elderly owner. It’s important that the elderly continue to see and love their animal, if possible.

With the elderly in a family home, you’ll have a first-hand view of your elderly loved one’s diet and nutrition.

Home cooked meals beat even the very best institutional food hands down. When the elderly come to live in a home, make a special effort to give them the foods that they love. This will make them feel very welcome and, if they’re able, include them in the cooking sessions.

I used to love cooking my Mom the dishes of her youth such as matzo ball soup, beet borscht, or brisket and potatoes. Bringing Mom a toasted cheese sandwich and a bowl of homemade tomato soup always put a smile on her face. I also made sure Mom was getting at least one Ensure Plus nutritional supplement a day in order to keep her weight up. If she were in a nursing home, I would have worried about her not getting the nutritional supplements she needed. Under my own care, I was certain of what she was eating and drinking.

Make sure you discuss dietary requirements with your loved one’s doctor so that you know what they should and should not be eating. If you can, stock the freezer with some good old comfort foods for them.

 Old-Time Farmhouse Cooking: Rural America Recipes & Farm LoreCheck Price The Back in the Day Bakery CookbookCheck Price Things Mother Used to Make: A Collection of Old Time Recipes,Check Price The New York Times Jewish Cookbook: More than 825 Traditional & Contemporary Recipes from Around the WorldCheck Price

The elderly will probably live longer in a home environment.

Studies have shown that the elderly will live longer in a home setting than even when placed in the most accredited institution. I had many of my Mom’s doctors tell me that she probably wouldn’t have made 95 years of age if she wasn’t living at home with me.

Having Mom live with me in my home also saved me from the daily visits to whatever nursing home she may have been moved to. I’m forever grateful that Mom was so easy to care for as she made it a joy to have her home with me. And, she lived with me 5 years. Not a bad run.

Summary

If the time comes when a decision has to be made about where a senior citizen should live, a family home may be the best choice. As a nice side benefit, your family will get to spend those last few years hopefully getting to know (and enjoy) your elderly loved one.

I know, for me at least, those last 5 years of my Mom’s life were the best 5 years of my own life. I not only learned how to become a skilled caregiver,  but, I also got to see Mom’s face every morning, enjoy an occasional happy hour with her, and tuck her into bed every evening. She became one of my best friends and, for that, I’ll be eternally grateful.